Since his spaceship crashed on this backwards planet, Basstard has been bewitching and beguiling the nubile natives with his otherworldly DJ skills. Whether he’s playing Deep House, Tech, Garage, or Breaks, his sound is unmistakably dark and sultry, with Basslines that transport, transform, and occasionally transcend the boundaries of space and time.

The undeniably erotic undertones of Basstard’s music have led to much spontaneous coupling, and the occasional spontaneous combustion. At least five children have been conceived solely due to influence of his music, and all of them are doing very well at their charter schools, thank you very much. He’s also responsible for several marriages, and at least seven divorces, but he doesn’t like to talk about that.