"You don't need a weatherman to know which way the wind blows."

Born on January 16, 1869, I was raised by the wolves of Siberia after I lost my parents to a group of hallucinating freaks called the Bluth family. One day, I was transformed into a vampire by a Kazakhstanian vampire who loved American Polka music. As a result, I will always appear to look like a 17 year old vampire/werewolf hybrid.
Currently, I still go to high school in the dangerous slums of Turkey (I moved for insurance purposes) to seduce a mortal named Bella. My life sounds like a Twilight film. But the whole craze makes me sick. Weird.