I once killed a bear with my bare hands. I can read 7 languages but speak none of them. I am the co-creator of the Doritos taco shell. I had a short lived talk radio show in Germany called "Ich verstehe nicht." I can eat a raw onion without crying. I have Barak Obama's personal cell phone number but have never called it. I once split an arrow with a tomahawk. I read Anna Karenina in a single sitting. James Earl Jones enjoys the sound of my voice. I understand the mechanics of how microwaves and non-dairy creamer work.