Sirius

Sirius is an absolute living legend in his own mind. He played a weekly residency at Fabric until the owner told him to fuck off out of his clothes shop, before headlining up his own now mythical warehouse parties in the toilets at Homebase. His latest review in Mixmag was stunning, reading 'if you don't leave us alone, we'll get a restraining order' and his album sales had doubled in the last week as granny finally bought a second copy.

Carl Cox and Laurent Garnier have both looked up to him (as he threatened to jump off a garden shed) and his influence on the international rave scene has been gloriously negligible, with one star struck raver saying 'Never heard of him, sounds like a cunt’'

Holding the number one spot for an astonishing 23 weeks in his front room, he went on a star studded tour of the local skips until being arrested for vagrancy in a spectacular PR coup.

All in all, Sirius is one of the giants of underground dance - at least next to his gnome collection