People hang on my every word... but monkeys swing from them.

To put it modestly, Ebert and Roeper gave me two thumbs up. I have more charm than your mother's favorite bracelet. I have the body of a prize-winning horse and the agility of a cheetah running down its prey. I have more drive than a six speed transmission. I'm a bigger baller than Jordan and I own suits so nice they make Frank Sinatra look like a hobo. I have the concentration of a monk on the verge of nirvana. My smile is knee wobbling, my gaze is breathtaking, and my uppercut is devastating. I have more power than San Onofre and the Surgeon General rated me The most addictive drug in the world.I have excellent hygiene and manners so proper they make the Queen of England look like a redneck. How is he with the ladies, you ask? Let's just put it this way: I got more game than ESPN...

...They call me Mike Griff and I'm kind of a big deal