I'm Mike, or Mikey, or Serj, or "The Midnight Caller", or Al or Danger, or simply "Dange". I am not working at The Stag anymore. The following is a list of quotations from my friends that have gathered on my facebook wall over the years that I feel describe me better than I ever could.

"Oh GROW UP Michael! You are a PROPER waaaaankkaaaaa!!!" - Jo 'Mama' Hillis.

"I know the truth and it's 11 inches! And a half! hahahahaha" - Sarah-Jayne Wright.

"Michael Gobbs, you are one lame lamo lamest lame ass!" - Louisa Hobson.

"Mike you sexy bastard" - Olivia from Bolivia.

"You are a fucking cunt" - Matthew O'Brien.

"I want your babies! May I? Go on........ please?" - Stephanie Mortimer.

"You love the cock" - Alex Geary.

And finally, from Mr Dane "Tuition" Bowers -

"Mr Gibbs,

So, the time has come; your 23rd annum. You may not feel quite as young or athletic as you were at the age of 18, or feel yourself as credible and wise as a middle aged white 30-something Tottenham fan from Wrexham