I was born in Odstock hospital, Salisbury on January 2nd 1987 at ten minutes past ten in the morning. I met my parents there and they named me James. I was given no say in the matter. If I could have chosen my name it would have probably been a name you could imagine an explorer having, such as 'Livingston St Joseph' or 'Rudolph Swift'. I was transported back to Durrington shortly after being born, and lived there for just over seven years. As a child I was aloof and disagreeable. A former teacher once described me as a genius because I made a perfect brick for brick replica of the Albert Hall out of Duplo. I hadn't even been there. Later in my childhood, after moving to Amesbury and joining the prestigious Amesbury Junior School I became famous for my drawing skills. Rather unwisely in retrospect, I saw this as an excuse to forego developing social skills of any kind since it was far easier to win friends with clever bubble writing and humorous cartoons. Needless to say, my classmates