I was heaven sent born in a log cabin in Mount Paektu.
Soldiers spread the news of my birth by inscribing the announcement on trees across the country.
The first time I bowled, I scored a perfect 300. Similarly, in my first-ever round of golf, I had five hole-in one holes for 38-under par round.
When I pass away, the skies will glow red above sacred Mount Paektu and the impenetrable sheet of ice at the heart of the mystical volcano will crack with a deafening roar.