I speak nine languages like a native - of somewhere else.
Appearance: Vacant stare, refusal to make eye contact, dishevelled. Apt to speak in nine languages at once. Short legs, long arms, no neck, big head, small torso. Bald with a very bad combover, always combing hair that isn't there. A distinct smell of body odour. Always goes off on a tangent when talking. Voice resembling Adolf Hitler. Various nervous tics. Cross-eyed. Shambling gait. Continually looking over shoulder. Noisy flatulence problems. Several unsavoury habits not suitable for mentioning in a public forum