A Final Gift

Can you invite or allow a loved one who is dying to talk about their death?

By Beverly Zell

She struggled with congestive heart failure months before it took her life.  She was sustained by a loving family and an inner spark that ignited her will to live.  But as the end drew near, her hospital stays grew longer and more frequent.

During one of my pastoral visits, we talked about how tired she felt.  “I’m dying little by little,” she said.  “But I can’t talk to anyone about it, especially my children.  Every time I bring it up, they dismiss me,” she continued.  “Oh, Mom, you’ll beat this thing.  Don’t talk like that,” they tell me.  “There is so much I want to say, but they can’t hear me.”

“Would it help if I speak to them?” I offered.  “It might,” she said.  “I would be so grateful if you could try.”  The next day I called her eldest son and asked if we could meet to talk about their Mother.  I suspected they knew she was dying, but were afraid of the conversation.

We began our g