Wings 5 - Baywatch

Baywatch started with a two-hour TV movie in 1989, and went on to define the 90s with butts, butts, and more butts. We swallow our disappointment that Yasmine Bleeth isn’t in the pilot, and dive right in. It goes off the rails quickly. Without the calm, reasonable influence of Caer, who is absent for this week’s episode, we grow more and more hysterical in our attempts to make sense of a world in which 11-year-olds named after boogie boards are regularly cockblocked; lifeguard is a career second only to astronaut in terms of respectability and education required; and a psychopathic fanny pack devotee can attempt to murder someone with a carving knife, and that’s somehow not the climax of the episode. We get confusing feelings in our pants from David Hasselhoff being strangely yet undeniably attractive. We get an eyeful of lots–LOTS–it cannot be overstated–LOTS of butts. And we are left with the question: Would we season pass this shitshow? YES. YE [...]