Eulogy: Episode One

One year ago this morning, I lost my fiancé, Ted. The past year has been the most tumultuous and lonely journey I never knew imaginable. I truly feel that through the love and the loss of Ted, I’ve experienced every emotion and its opposite: extreme highs clashed with harrowing lows. I’ve felt depression, rage, guilt, disparity, jealousy, hatred, and plummeting darkness – yet I’ve also felt empathy, love, gratitude, connection, gentleness, patience, and even a very few and far-between moments of bliss. At times, I’ve been brutally open and at others, fearfully introverted. On some days, I feel his spirit – and on others, I don’t. But no matter where Ted is or where he is not, he continues to teach me lessons about this blessed thing we call life, every single day.I no longer believe that time is linear. I no longer believe that the past is any less of a fantasy than the future. I no longer believe that we are constrained by the shell of a body that we are given for this lifetime. I bel