I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I write award-winning operas, I manage time efficiently. Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row.
I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trumpet playing, I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru.
I am the subject of numerous documentaries. I don't perspire. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. I once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick, and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room. The laws of physics do not apply to me. I have played Hamlet, I have performed open-heart surgery, and I have spoken with Elvis.