Wayne Rooney knows how to tug on Evertonian heartstrings. Romelu Lukaku perhaps a little less so. At least one of his new team-mates at Manchester United has a thing or two to teach him about farewell tribute messages.
We consider the phenomenon of the viral signing confirmation announcement. Aston Villa have pushed the boat out for John Terry: having raised the bar, what can they do to welcome Glenn Whelan?
James Corbett joins us to talk about the impressive business Everton have done so far this season. Are we seeing the emergence of a new Everton, or is their rich owner simply looking like a big spender by releasing the money generated by player sales?
Plus there's football pranks and rugby japes, the Chelsea shop, the Everton song, things that make life worse and signing Stomrzy.