- 2 years ago
Do you know how wars start?
I’m not just talking about the wars fought with guns and tanks, I’m talking about the wars fought between people. Before we can understand why relationships go sour, couples separate in anger and why little misunderstandings can turn into feuds that last for years, we must first understand the exact moment a conflict starts.
Conflict starts when the other person strikes back.
This is contrary to the wisdom of the playground, the place where we first learned to shirk our personal responsibility.
Here is the most common response from a child who has been accused of fighting.
He started it.
The problem is you and I buy this narrative hook, line and sinker.
We buy it because we live in a culture that glorifies revenge as justification for violence toward others. Everything from politics to professional sports to Hollywood movies reinforce the idea that when someone hurts you, you have the right to hurt them back. It leaves us with a false sense of hierarchy, and