Only 24 years old, I am already a 4th level master of Dimac, tutored by the legendary Count Otto Black himself. I am also an experienced Sprout grower, devout magus to The Order of the Glolden Parsnip, former deep sea diver, KGB runner, photocopier repair man, Liverpool FC striker, Man About Town (Croydon 1991), chief brujo to the inhabitants of cochadebajo de los gatos, advisor to the Dalai Lama, lone whaler, master practioner of Astral Projection, sexual athlete, and compulsive liar.
From "Modern legends revealed", Hello magazine, feb 1992:
"have at you, sir!" These words, immortalised by the now legendary parsnip cultivator and faecal acrobat, JSTEVENS, instill fear into the heart of men across the matrix and not without reason. Feared for his legendary skills with the blade, and revered as a combatant throughout 14 galaxies, the best is surely yet to come from this priapic giant.